Chemistry

 

I SEE YOU

In recent times one of the most important and useful tool in solving crimes are CCTV cameras. Even when there is no evidence of a crime there always seems to be a witness in the form of such cameras. This led me into deep thought. There is an inbuilt CCTV in all of us that captures all our experiences and stores it in our memory drive. Most of the files in the drive are accessible whenever we want to cherish and relish but there are few hidden files which we dare not open, these are the files that we have condemned to be hidden from the world. This drive is called our unconscious self and the folder named Conscience.

I mustered the required guts and looked past my façade. I wanted to know if I am what I claim to be. I wanted to see if I can love myself enough after looking into those files that I have safely stored away from others eyes not realizing my CCTV has recorded them as well.

This has been the most difficult task of my life. I have always seen myself as a confident, patient and honest person who cannot hurt anyone knowingly. But inside the hidden files, I saw a scared little child who wanted to live up to the expectations of her parents, who yearned to be accepted by her peers, who wanted to be respected by her children. I started to understand my insecurities, I realized my triggers, yet I was immensely happy to find files that showed the same confidence, patience and honesty even during situations where I was totally mortified.

I realized the meaning of Self-love, I realized the meaning of Self-Compassion, I realized the meaning of Self-help and I realized the meaning of Self-integrity.

Now I am able to understand everyone near and dear to me with much more clarity. I understood that what is most destructive in one’s life is what one is most defensive about. I understood that insecurity stems from the conscious self accessing the hidden files and finding few corrupted ones that has been password protected and cannot be deleted from the unconscious self. Though the files cannot be deleted we can definitely refrain from duplicating the same file time and again increasing the burden on the folder corrupting and crashing the whole system.

After these realizations I questioned myself, when we realize we have a few corrupted files that cannot be deleted how do we continue to live with it. How do we survive with our own guilt, and I had my answer right within myself, we have to clean our drive with the antivirus called Forgiveness. As Lewis B. Smedes rightly said to forgive is to set the prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. Let us forgive those who hurt us for their self satisfaction or to conceal their insecurities. Let us forgive those who made it their life mission to destroy you. Most of all let us forgive ourselves for all our wrong doings knowingly or unknowingly and let us make it a point not to repeat the same mistake.

Let us strive to achieve Integrity rather than superficial righteousness. Let us be solid enough to say I know I am right but I don’t want to prove you wrong, when you yourselves have saved it in your hidden files folder. 

To err is human to forgive is divine. Isn’t it? ….